The Rain of Relief

It rained a lot of the day yesterday and all of us suffering from allergies finally got some relief. Yay.

In addition, I feel like a huge weight I've been carrying around for the past three weeks is gone.  Let me back up.  It all started with a birthday gift I gave myself, a mammogram.  A couple of days after my mammogram my doctor's office called to tell me they couldn't see some areas, on one side well enough and I needed to come back in for some special views, essentially another more uncomfortable mammogram. When I was done they told me the radiologist needed to talk to me.  The radiologist showed me the films they had just taken and pointed out an area of "concern" where I have calcifications.  From what I understand calcifications are normal, but since mine are in a group and are different sizes, not uniform, this could indicate cells turning atypical.  I was told I needed to have a stereotactic biopsy.  I put if off and didn't want to do it.  Then my doctor's office called and told me I needed to get it scheduled because it was urgent.  Okay. Okay.  I didn't want to do it during the nestlings spring break, so by the time I had it done it had been two weeks from my special views mammogram. 

The husbird decided to put off a long business trip in May and applying to go back to school, not knowing what would be found when I had the biopsy.  We prayed a lot and tried to have faith in whatever the outcome would be.

When you think you might have cancer life comes into focus.  Everything becomes clearer. The little moments in life mean more. Clipping my four year old nails isn't a chore anymore. I feel grateful that I get to hold his little hands in mine and as I clip each nail think about his mischievous adventures as I notice dirt under some of them.  Reading books to my seven year old is more enjoyable than ever.  I see my children through different eyes.  I'm more loving, patient, and kind.  I appreciate my husbands efforts more.  It's sad that it takes a cancer scare to enjoy life more, but I think everyone goes through periods of life where we take it for granted.

The kids went back to school and the day of my biopsy arrived.  The procedure was no day at the beach.  It was painful and uncomfortable, but I got through it.  Though when I got home I wondered why they told me to take it easy for a couple of days because I felt fine.  Well, I was totally numb.  As soon as the numbness wore off, about an hour later, I knew why.  I was so sore and swollen I didn't want to move at all.  A constant ache became my friend.  When I expected and thought I'd feel better than I did, I had to remind myself that I had tissue removed from my body.  Ouch.

While we waited for the results my emotions were as tender as my biopsy site. I could hardly take the not knowing anymore.  I looked up breast cancer info on the web and started watching youtube videos of women dying with breast cancer.  When the husbird found out he promptly squashed (discouraged) any youtube watching, because I was becoming an emotional wreck.  I was thrown into a whole new world, a world of breast cancer.  One I knew existed, but I kept my distance from because I could.  Not anymore, because that could be me.  I could have breast cancer.  A hard reality to face, but one I had to consider.

After two very long days the hospital called to tell me everything is fine, no cancer was found, come back next year for a regular mammogram.  Relief and gratitude flooded my heart.  

If you are a woman and haven't gotten a mammogram here is your wake up call.  Do yourself a favor, get one.  If not for yourself do it for your family.  They need you.

I just know if I got news that I had cancer, for me, the world would have stopped spinning for a moment and life as I know it would have been turned upside down.  I can't help but think about the women that get bad news.  I know there are many.  My thoughts and prayers are with them as they fight for their life battling cancer.